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Mar. 9th, 2007

i love cats

Life is looking up

I am in debt. But I can finally do something about it. For weeks now I have been depressed about this issue. I was able to get a job. Possibly have two jobs. I am not sure if i can handle all this but I will try. I hope that I can balance both jobs together.

I did not want to write unless I had something positive to say about a totally helpless situation. I already deal with depression. I do not want to dwell on it.

Feb. 26th, 2007

i love cats

sad sad life

I have not written anything for a long time. I usually do not want to write anything that is totally depressing. My parents think I'm on drugs even if they have no proof whyatsoever. They are threating again not to support me even when they know I don't have the papers to work. I really do not want to go back home! :/ Life is sad!!!

To finish school, I need to get a co-signer. Apparently, nobody wants to co-sign for me :/ I really feel depressed!

You see, I have this plan. I will finish elementary education. Then move on to special education. The department of education already said they are willing to pay for my masters while I teach a special education class at the same time. I just need to finish my bachelor degree! I need help.

I still haven't heard any news regarding my green card. I have a feeling I'm not going to get it.

I'm starting to think - there is no God. You see, five years ago, I made a pact with God. If He takes care of me in the US where I can stand on my own two feet, I will serve Him. Well, maybe there is no God because I don't think I'll get my green card.

Feb. 15th, 2007

i love cats

Update on school

Due to the fact that my car broke down, I was forced to drop my class at Winfield. so now instead of taking 4 classes I'm only taking 3. This means I need to take one more class during the March session.

School has been difficult. I have a lot of work to catch up on. Starting this weekend, I need to start on school work big time!

Life has been troublesome - but I am hanging in there.

I went to Catholic Charities today hoping they might be able to help point me in the right direction. I hope that they can help me because I am getting desperate here.

Does it really pay to be a Christian? To not work illegally?
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Feb. 8th, 2007

i love cats


What is a vision? What is mine? What do I do to have one?
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Feb. 7th, 2007

i love cats


Since my car broke down two weeks ago, I have been worried that I might have to drop out of my classes or worse - simply fail. I prayed. I asked my friends for help. And a friend is coming through for me. God does answers prayers!

I had a conversation with my family. They want me to do something I do not feel I should. I will not mention what it is because I do not want to incriminate myself. But out of desperation - I am finding myself complying to their wishes. For all their talk about being a Christian - they sure can be hypocrites. But I've learned that at the moment - I cannot be a Christian. For me, to be a Christian, I must follow Christ doing what is right even when it is hard, difficult and inconvenient.

So, um, does that mean I am a heathen once more?
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Jan. 29th, 2007

i love cats


This is not good! My life has not changed. I thought it would change for the better but very little has changed. I am frustrated and angry with myself and my situation.

I need a life coach. Perhaps I should seek counsel from God?

Here is a list of my frustration!
1. No job.
2. No money.
3. Lost my school books.
4. My house is a mess.
5. Ex is not returning my calls.


Jan. 26th, 2007

kansas pic

Job Hunting

I am currently job hunting. For a while there, I was thinking about looking for a lesbian escort service hahahaha! I'm not quite that desperate yet but I'm getting there. I could use a sugar momma, that's for sure. Not having any luck with that at all. Which is good for me too.

I hope that I get a job soon. At least I can remain respectable not only the eyes of other people or myself but I know God will approve.

Maybe I should just marry someone? But who? And will I be able to really go through with it? Too bad gay marriage is not legal!!!
i love cats

Private things should be private

It is easy for me to express myself on my journal. But I suppose that in the past, I have mentioned things that should not be read. Private things like my relationships. I suppose I do not give details but there is a part of me now that thinks maybe I should just keep it to myself. What if what I say may cause pain for someone else?

I feel lost since I've decided to remain single this year. I really do not know where or how I will succeed in doing so. It seems hard to do the right thing when the wrong things seems so right.

She reminds me of a geisha. With one glance she could make me melt in my tracks.

Jan. 24th, 2007

i love cats

Update on Saffron

Last week has not been good for Saffron. My orange tiger suffered from excessive nose bleeding that my ex and I had to take her to the emergency vet clinic. I was beside myself, I didn't know what to do. I panicked and just decided to take her to my ex'es house.

We spent almost one hour trying to get the blood to stop but it did not work. The vet doctors got it to stop finally at around early morning the next day.

I hope she hasn't lost too much blood. She is my princess - a queen in training. She is just the sweetest little poochie ever!

As of last night, she is behaving like herself again. Her enormous appetite has returned and she is as cheerful and cuddly as ever. Whew! Thank God!
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kansas pic

Poem log #2

I wrote this poem for my Teaching Music in the Elementary class a few semester ago. This poem is published in one of the books from League of American Poets. This is the first poem that I've written that I have a copy of that was published successfully.

My Drum Sings of Many Things

My drum sings of many things.
It sings.
About the brown-white long hair that I combed just yesterday.
It sings again.
About the joy and carefree running across the room, under the refrigerator, on the wheel,
beneath the blanket on the floor.
It sings once more.
About the daily routines of life.
Munching, choosing and eating different nuts and fruits,
drinking water, more and more water.

My drum sings of many things.
It sings.
When I fail; do not quit. Get up for you can
run another day.
It sings again.
Relationship is about trust, from there it grows
and deepens.
It sings once more.
People need boundaries and rules.
We need to learn discipline, learn it a bit more
and more.

My drum sings of many things.
It sings of a life shortly lived that taught me so
much about living.
It sings again of a life that was trusting, that
was content;
A life that had joy and peace modeled to me so
It sings once more for the last time of a life put
to sleep an hour early,
and I am more alone, much more alone today.

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